ETERNAL QUESTIONS!
1.How come water ruins leather? Don't cows go out in the rain?
2.Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 3.Why don't chickens have fingers? 4.Why don't buffalo have wings? 5.If Casper's a friendly ghost, where'd they bury Casper the friendly dead kid? 6.Have you driven a Ford Lately? 7.So dryers eat socks; is it because of their nutritional value? 8.How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
9.Are you threatening me? 10.How do you get to Sesame Street? 11.Why buy a mattress anywhere else? 12.Who do you think you are? Mr. Big Stuff?
13.What are you, some kind of butt ventriloquist? 14.Who goes there? 15.What's my name!? 16.If a tree fell in the forest, would anyone hear?
17.If a tree fell in the forest and crushed a mime would anyone care? 18.If a monkey were a biker what kind of drugs would it take? 19.What time is it? 20.What is this, 20 questions? 21.Just who the hell are you? 22.What religion are mimes? 23.How do cuckoos raise their young? 24.What kinda moron are ya?
25.How else would you get there, a shopping cart? 26.If Speedy Gonzales and the Roadrunner were in a race, which would win?
27.Just when did she get friends? 28.Are you a licker or a biter? 29.Why ask why? 30.What's the frequency Kenneth?
31.Would you like fries with that? 32.If the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie, wouldn't you get a black eye? 33.What are the odds of that? 34.Might you have any Grey Poupon?
35.What is the true identity of the blue haired maniac? 36.Would ya, could ya, ain'tcha gonna, if I asked ya would ya wanna be my baby tonight? 37.Do you shine your pants?
38.Is it hot in here or is it you? 39.Why do caged birds sing? 40.What kind of Marilyn Manson side show circus rehab program did he escape from? 41.Do you think that's funny?
42.Why didn't the President inhale? Was it bad weed? 43.Are we having fun yet? 44.What is he/she on? 45.Why do bus drivers tend to bounce? 46.Want to try some really great stuff? 47.Should we talk about the government? 48.What is the 7 in 7-Up? 49.What is the Q in Q-Tip? 50.What is Mrs. Robinson's first name?
51.Will we ever see Dr. Claw's face on Inspector Gadget? 52.What does Tino on "My So-Called Life" look like? 53.What the hell is a leap year anyway?
54.Why is the guitarist on Saturday Night Live so scary? 55.How do you say the artist formerly known as Prince's name?
56.How do you know that things are going to be O.K.? 57.What is the true identity of the Orkin man? 58.When was the last time you danced in a mini-mart? 59.Got milk?
60.What does George Castanza's baseball boss look like? 61.Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? 62.Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
63.Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 64.Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
65.What do you think it would be like if we lived in a world without hypothetical situations? 66.How does a guy who drives a snowplow get to work? 67.If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose? 68.Why aren't purple Christmas lights included in a basic string? 69.Do you feel lucky, punk? 70.If a 7-11 is open 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, why are there locks on the doors?
71.If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan? 72.What kind of man would I be, living a life without any meaning?
73.Why do we use the emergency brake to park in non-emergency situations? 74.Why don't brown cows give chocolate milk? 75.If buttered toast always lands buttered side down, and a cat always lands on its
feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat? 76.If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? 77.You know how most packages
say "open here"? What would you do if the package said "open somewhere else"? 78.Why do they put Braille dots on the drive through ATM? 79.Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? 80.How am I supposed to live without you, now that I've been loving you so long? 81.What is Victoria's secret? 82.If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
83.What becomes of the brokenhearted? 84.How long does it take a lamb to shake it's tail twice? 85.Why is bra singular and panties plural? 86.Why is it that when you transport something by
car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by boat, it's called cargo? 87.You know the indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why can't they just make the whole plane out of the same
material? 88.Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down? 89.Why don't they call beefcow and porkpig if they call chicken-chicken and fish-fish?
90.Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together? 91.I know you are but what am I? 92.You talkin' to me!? 93.What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
94.If firefighters fight fires, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? 95.If con is the opposite of pro; is congress the opposite of progress?
96.Will the Trix rabbit ever get the Trix? 97.Why doesn't Wile E. Coyote just use his money to buy food? 98.If she's buying a stairway to heaven, how much is it going to cost her?
99.Who are "they"? 100.What is the air-speed velocity of a laden swallow? 101.Exactly when do the cows come home?
102.Are you there God, it's me Margaret!? 103.How long does it take to build a doghouse out of pancakes?
104.Why would anyone want to eat something called rump roast? 105.Do clams and oysters get bored? 106.Why did the 7 dwarves live in a crappy little cottage in the woods if they were diamond
miners? 107.Why didn't Sleepy just go to bed? 108.Why couldn't Doc cure Sneezy?
109.What would happen if Grumpy and Happy got stuck in an elevator together? 110.What's your favorite color? 111.Who shot J.R.? 112.How do you solve a problem like Maria?
113.What is the sound of one hand clapping? 114.Paper or plastic? 115.Just how snug is a bug in a rug? 116.Why do they assume clams are so happy?
117.Which came first: the chicken or the egg? 118.Where are my mittens? (said the kittens) 119.Who shot the deputy? 120.How now brown cow? 121.What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
122.Why did the chicken cross the road? 123.Just how clean can a whistle be with all that spit in it? 124.Whatever happened to Burger Buddies?
125.Why does daytime television on Sunday suck so much? 126.What's with these homies dissing my girl? 127.Is Aerosmith ever going to stop playing together? 128.Where's the beef? 129.How do they cram all that gram? 130.Doesn't it feel good to pay less? 131.Why doesn't McDonalds offer root beer?
132. If winners never quit and quitters never win, what fool came up with "quit while you're ahead"? 133. How much deeper would the oceans be in sponges didn't live there?
134. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation? 135. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
136. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battey is dead? 137. Why are they called buildings when they are already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
138. So, what's the speed of dark?
139. Where does the white go when the snow melts?
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